Exposed Slates
by greyghost-wolf
Summary: The High School life and times of Amanda Rollins, and other people you might know.
1. Chapter 1

The sweet sounds of the Georgia birds played into my ears. The wind ruffling my dirty blond hair around my slightly sweat drenched face, the sun was warm, the breeze cool; I imagined we almost looked content with our lives, sitting on that plaid colored picnic blanket, in the cool November sunshine, the grass so green. _Oh, how looks can be deceiving_. My sister, was dishing out Mamma's famous egg salad spoonful, by small spoonful, all glorious and fluffy yellow; heaven forbid she allow one kamikaze potato to hit the ground - and she knew it. Today she was on her best behavior; Her hair was neatly pinned in a pony tail, just as Mama liked it. She was wearing that pretty little blue number she hated with that cardigan Mamma loved. If said potato hit the ground, there would be hell to pay, and we both knew it- hell was not something we needed right now; caution on the side of paranoia it would be, and neither one of us would say a word. After a moment, I heard the sounds of laughter blending into the wind. The light airy laugh of my sister, who had no worries. The lighter still laugh of my Mamma who found her solace at the end of a bottle, and the thick chortles of her latest boy toy. Who knows how long this one would last.

Yes, looks can be deceiving, but it's who you deceive that really matters.

My name is Amanda Rollins. I have clear blue eyes, fair skin, and I can hit a softball farther than ninety-nine percent of the people who attend my High School, and if you asked my Mamma, I bet she could only tell you two of the three things I just told you, depending on her sobriety level of course; never can tell if I'm going to be a hey you, or a damn Kim, or a skanky little slut. A skanky little slut, who cleans the puke out of your hair, and washes the clothes, and does most of the chores mind you; none of that really matters to the woman. I shouldn't expect it to either, my life has been like this for as long as I can remember. Not to mention the fact, that I was more interested in school and softball than in boys, but try telling that to her.

We live in a cute little house, that sits just on the outskirts of town, though the houses all around it make it seem like a big part of a city. I wish we hadn't had to move, but we couldn't afford the rent in our apartment, and my Mamma's Uncle had left us this house, so here we were. My Mamma usually has a revolving door of boyfriends, with some being nicer and cleaner and wiser than the others, but hey all seem to be closer to the bottom of the totem pole than the top - I had to give her that. It wouldn't matter if I frowned upon it either, my sister, Kim, is following in her footsteps; thank goodness school is starting up tomorrow and I won't have to keep walking on eggshells as the primary babysitter. Keep locking the bathroom door extra tight. Keep barricading myself in my room. It will be lovely to just be a normal teenager for a few hours. Let someone else look after my sister. Even if it was a new school, I only had this half year and one more, I could handle it.

"_Amanda_" a call draws me away from my trance, "_d'ya want some egg salad_?" Oh Kim, you know I don't, but you like getting your way, and you know I won't argue. "_Yes, a little bit please._" My legs have grass on them I realize, and all attempts I make to brush them off are thwarted. Oh well. "_Why don't you come join us dollbaby_?" My Mamma's latest boy toy is revolting, and I sometimes wonder if she hangs out by the jail looking for the next parolee as prime boyfriend material, but I don't say anything to her, Lord knows it won't do any good, and would most likely end up with a grounding for myself, and another lecture that I don't need. I force myself to smile as I walk over, oh yes, school would be a welcome distraction.

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"_Kim_" I call, turning over as the book I had fallen asleep reading hit the floor, "_get up already._" I can hear her groaning through the wall, and I find myself laughing a little laugh, Kim had never been a morning person, and it took her longer then the average prima donna to get ready in the morning. Pulling on a grey sweater, and jeans, I grab my backpack and tennies and find myself beating on Kim's door. "_Last wake up call you're going to get. If you don't move it, you're going to miss the bus. High School waits for no one, and neither does the bus_." I didn't try to be quiet, last night I heard my Mam bumbling around already half drunk on her way out to get drunker with her latest month long stand, I doubted they were back yet, so I figured I might as well enjoy the silence. "_Kim, ya got lunch money_" I yell, hopefully she was up, we'd have to catch the bus soon, and we both know what would happen if our Mamma discovered us home on a school day. Ironic as it was, since she hadn't even graduated High School herself.

Five minutes before we had to catch the bus, Kim stumbled out, and although she looked half asleep, she was dressed to the nines (or her opinion of the nines.) Personally, I wouldn't go out dressed like that, ever, but we each had our own differences, and although she dressed like a mini hooker, she was my sister and I'd damn well protect her. "_Is your skirt short enough there_?" I tease. I watch her morning coffee routine, two scoops instant coffee, one of cream and three of sugar that she did not need. "_Do you actually have boobs Amanda, hiding behind that grey piece of trash? Lighten up_." I watch her wink at me and give a little turn as she heads outside, the door slamming behind her.

The bus pulled up, three minutes later than the listed time, and I wondered how Kim wasn't already freezing. It was fairly cold for November. As I stepped on the bus, I was momentarily frozen, what if no one likes me, what if I stick out. _No, stop that Amanda._ Letting out my breath, I watched Kim strut to the back of the bus, head held high, she clearly didn't wonder about how things were going to turn out. As I sat down in the first empty seat I came to, the people sitting in the seats across from me laughed, nodding their head towards me- they could at least make it a little less obvious. Glaring over at them, I places my bag on my lap, and gave them the best fuck you look I could muster. They turned around momentarily quiet, and I decided to time and count how many miles away the school was so maybe I wouldn't have to ride this death trap to school. Kim was laughing in the background, no doubt she had found some boy to thrust her affections on, or some shallow girl to be bff's with; I had a feeling it was going to be a long year.


	2. Chapter 2

When the bus finally stopped in front of the worn down brick building, I had come to the conclusion that this year would at least be interesting. After that first incident, no one had looked at me, I was just another kid in the school system, just another nobody; and to be honest, I was completely fine with this notion. The only thing I wanted to do, was kick ass grade wise so I could get out of this cheap little town, and join the softball team if there was one. Standing back to watch the various students pour into the building, I caught a small glance at Kim. She was walking arm in arm with a pair of equally questionable dressed personas, of course she'd be able to fit in right off the bat. If anything, that trait would get her far in life, if she used it for good instead of evil of course.

With a sigh, I headed into the building. My first class of the day was Math. I found myself choosing a Math class with an emphasis on Logic. It was more than my other school had offered, so I decided to diversify my schedule, and besides the points would transfer from my other Math class Algebra II (which I hated), so why not. So Logical Math it was, add in a Political Science History class, English Honors, Physics, a Study Period, Lunch, and Physical Education and bam, there was my schedule. I wasn't entirely thrilled with all my classes, but beggars can't be choosers with only eight weeks of class left. Next year though, next semester, I would get to choose them, and I was okay with that. Maybe I'd have friends by then.

Handing my newbie slip to the teacher, he smiled a gruff smile at me and told me to take a seat. His voice was tired, and the dark circles under his eyes and wrinkled clothes seemed to enforce that message, not to mention the attitude he had, that seemed to bolster his sit down and shut up attitude. Not being one to cause trouble, least of all on my first day, I looked for an empty seat, and found one close to the back next to a short haired brunette. She was wearing long sleeves too I noticed, some off brand sweat shirt like myself, and her eyes were defiant as I watched her sketch something in her notebook. My kind of person. Not that I thwarted authority, No, I believed in rules and their purpose, I just believed sometimes, that the people who made the rules had no idea how life actually was lived, and they needed to take a step off their pedestals, and live it before they decided how things should go.

"_Is this seat taken?_" I asked her with a smile, I believed in making a good first impression, who knows, maybe that would be my staple out of this little worn down town someday. She looked at me for a moment, studying my clothes or so it seemed, "_No it isn't_." "_Good, it'd be terrible to be the last person standing. Leave it to me to make a spectacle out of myself on the first day_." Sitting down I found myself letting out a sigh I didn't know I was holding in. "_Name's Amanda by the way_." "_Olivia_" she said with a smile, "_You're new here, can I see your schedule?_" Handing my folded schedule over, the teacher cleared his throat and the bell rung, signaling for the start of class. "_Now, this is the last segment before break, your tests from last mark weren't your greatest, so I suggest you buckle down or you will fail this course. Now open your books to chapter ten, and do it timely, we don't have all day_" To me it seems like all Math teachers were the same, Old and boring, but at least the subject material might be interesting. Turns out I was wrong, with only ten minutes left I was dying, I never knew someone could be this boring and still be breathing. Letting out a sigh, I looked down to find my schedule sitting on my desk with a little note attached. Turns out, Olivia and I have two of the same classes, Political History, and Study period together, as well as lunch. I found myself smile for a moment, at least I wouldn't have to sit alone at lunchtime maybe, that was a positive.

When the bell rang, Olivia hung back by the door and waited for me as I picked up my form. "_Thanks for waiting._" "_No problem. Make sure you speak up in Physics, the teacher likes that. She likes to toss out candy for correctly answered quiz questions. Everybody loves sugar._" I found myself nodding at her suggestion with a smile, dropping my Math text into my locker I found myself asking if the teacher was always that boring. She laughed as she hit her locker which was across the hallways from mine. "_Is she asking about Frankford?_" I heard another voice ask with a little laugh, "_That would be the one_" I heard Olivia answer with a locker slam. Turning around I came face to face with another person that I did not know. "_Name's Fin, and to answer your question, he is that boring. Careful not to fall asleep, he'll make you do extra work, but st least he's not as bad as Henery. She makes you put your gum on your nose if she catches you with it._" As I shook his hand, I saw the girls that had laughed at me on the bus that morning, and I scowled. "_They messing with you?_ I heard Fin ask as I nodded "_Just some laughs on the bus is all,_" I found myself answering "_I can handle it_." Dammit I should have said no, I didn't want them to pity me already. "_Steer clear of them too, they like to cause problems" _Olivia said with a wave of her hand._ "Meet me in the archway by the main hall and we'll walk to lunch. You know where that is, yes?" "Yeah I do, see you then." _With a wave I was off, slightly more optimistic than I was before. After all, I had people to sit with for lunch, and I might have made a friend or two already. Things were looking up.


	3. Chapter 3

My English teacher, fair to Fin's word, was a tad bit eccentric. Her room was colorful, and that was the least you could say, or maybe the least you wanted to say. Every inch of the right wall, was full of posters. Posters of grammar, spelling, and a whole range of things pertaining to the English language. English seemed to be her passion, that was obvious, and since this was the Honors class, she took her job fairly seriously. She was very unlike my last English teacher, so at least this class would be interesting, even if I had to die through the wonderful world of Logic each morning.

When I first came into the room, I paused, hit by the cheerfulness of this room, in comparison to the rest of the High school. "_Ah, a new student_" I heard a chipper voice call, oh no I've been spotted. Tripping over a loose tile, I toppled forward into a blond-haired girl momentarily stunned, and not to mention mortified, "_Hello there_" she said with a grin, "_it's best you watch where you're going, though I know the colors are a bit hypnotic, so I can say I blame you for wanting to knock yourself out to get out of here_. _That's definitely what I wanted to do on my first day_." From the puzzled look on my face, she grinned even further. When I was finally able to find my footing, she brushed her hair out of her face, "_My name's Alex_." "_Amanda_" I said, as I saw the teacher motioning to me from the side. "_You better go see her, she doesn't like to be kept waiting, I'll save you a seat._" "_Ummm, okay, thank you_," I say with a smile, I can feel my face on fire; what a great way to start this class off.

"_Amanda, is it? Or do you prefer a nickname?_" Mrs. Henry asked with a smile. I noticed her glasses were bejeweled, and she had a planner full of famous literary quotes. "_Amanda is fine thank you. Is that Plath?_" I ask. If we're going to be reading actually literature I think I just might be in heaven. My last teacher was more concerned with the status quo of students in comparison to us actually learning something. "_Why yes it is, you know Plath? How about Hemingway? Bronte?_" She didn't give me time to reply. "_I can tell you like literature Amanda, you have that look about you. I'm not one to generalize,_" she says with a little laugh "_but sometimes I can just tell_." Handing my form back to me, she tells me to find a seat as the bell rings. The class looks fairly full, I notice as I take the seat Alex saved me with a thankful look.

When the bell rang, nobody made a real effort to leave class, and I can't same I blamed them, this class was something else. Very different from any High School class I had ever taken, the teacher seemed to have no regard for the standardized rules, and went with whatever she felt would get us to pay attention, to learn, and I was okay with that. "_What class do you have next?_" Alex asked me, as she picked her backpack up. "_I have Physics, should be fun right?_" I hadn't realized I sounded sarcastic. Oops. Alex just seemed to smile. "_Physics is fun, if you like Science, that is. I prefer the Sciences of the law._" With a wave she headed down the hallway, "S_ee you later Manda, it was very nice meting you._" "Y_eah, bye._" I waved to her retreating form. One more class and then lunch, finally. While I didn't mind High School as a much needed distraction, navigating the hallways was somewhat tiring, and I could only hope it would get easier with time. Here's to hoping I thought.

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Walking into my Physics class, I felt a sense of dread. After handing my paper to the teacher, who looked as if she would rather be somewhere else, anywhere else than where she was, I noticed there was only one desk open, and the person who was sitting there looked vaguely familiar; and I realized, it was one of the chicks from the bus. Damn, I think my luck just ran out. As I sat down she looked at me for a moment and then opened her mouth, saying with a squeaky voice "_You're that chick from the bus aren't you?_" I looked at her for a moment and turned around, "_back at you._" This would be a fun class. I could feel her eyes on me so I looked over, "_Is Kim your sister?_" she asked. "_I saw you both getting on the bus._" Oh Lord, what did she do now. "_Yes she is, why_?" "_Oh nothing, she's a riot is all. Makes me wonder what happened to you since clearly,_" she paused looking me over, "_You don't have a sense of style._" I looked back at her attempting to muster the rudest look I ever could have made, "_at least I have a brain._" She scoffed, trying to come up with a retort, but thank goodness the teacher chose that moment to tart up the lesson. The systems of the body, oh yes, this would definitely be a fun class with Kathy for a lab mate. True to what Olivia said, quiz time came just as the bell was ringing. I found it quite comical how people would go out of their way to answer questions just to get a piece of candy, maybe I'd go for it tomorrow, but not today.

I wasn't looking forward to Physical Education, or Study hall for that matter - I had so much I needed to catch up on. Moving in the middle of the year was seriously stupid, why my Mother couldn't find a way to pay for our old house, so I could have at least finished the term at my old school was beyond me, but I should seriously stop complaining. I could look forward for Political History at least. Alex mentioned that she liked Politics, maybe she would be in that class. With a sigh, I headed down the hall caught in the thrawls of people headed to lunch, where was Olivia? I was by the arch, but she was nowhere to be found. Maybe I would have to eat lunch alone after all.

I saw Kim across the hall, laughing at a nerdy boy that tripped when the jock standing beside her, stuck his foot out, she would associate with people like that. Meeting her eyes she smiles at me for a moment, and then turned back to her latest jock mate. I'd have to warn her about Kathy later at home. As I turned around to head into the library, someone pulled me back, and for the second time that day, I felt myself falling. Dammit.


	4. Chapter 4

I'm writing these rather fast, so I will go back, and fix holes, grammar, and other things that need to be fixed. What do you guys think so far?

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As I landed on my bad arm, I decided the people here really needed to grow up, or get punched in the face, I hadn't decided which would be a more fitting slap of reality. Man my arm really hurt, this would be a fun thing to cover up in gym. "_Amanda_" I heard my name called, "_are you alright?_" I didn't recognize the voice, until I noticed the brown hair kneeling beside me. Olivia. Kim, I noticed, just glanced my way, and continued on like nothing ever happened. She always did have a knack for self-preservation. "_Amanda_?" there was another voice, Fin. "_Yeah, I'm fine_." I said standing up with what dignity I had left, what a great mark I was leaving on the school, and it was only my first day here. "_Just a little bump_." They looked at me for a moment, as if to disprove my statement, and I noticed the questioning looks they had on their faces. "_Really, I'm fine_." "_We're really sorry we're late,_" Fin says with a nod, "_Chemistry ran late. I think the teacher is doing drugs on the sideline. The class seems to be all about conspiracy theories as of late._" I just nodded, walking with them to the cafeteria, not really listening to what they had to say. It was stupid of me to think Kim would be any different here, than she was at our last school, or any time in our life, but I had hopes after our last sisterly talk, that she would change at least a bit. I guess I was wrong.

The table we sat at, was close to the back, and perfect for people watching I noticed. Alex was sitting there already, wearing black rimmed glasses and talking to a red-head beside her in what looked to be a heated discussion. Next to them, was a guy with black hair who was reading a book over the history of narcotics, completely ignoring the conversation, but taking time to look up every now and then. "_Hey guys, this is Amanda_." Olivia said, sitting down with a paper bag lunch by the black-haired guy, and smiling at Alex, and the red-head. "_Hello again Amanda_," Alex said with a smile, "_this is Casey, and that's Nick, and who knows where Munch is but he's not here_." Extending his hand out I shook it, placing my bag on the floor by my feet. "_So Alex, Casey, Nick, Olivia and Fin_" I said pointing to each one of them in turn with a grin. "_Nice to meet you all._"

Alex and Casey carried on with their conversation, with Nick making clever retorts to counteract their statements now and then; while Olivia and Fin talked with little gestures and made viable efforts to include me in the conversation. I was thankful really, but I was slightly overwhelmed with my first day, so I was content with listening for the time being. After lunch was Political History, or Sciences as Alex called it, and it turns out we all had the same class period.

Taking a seat close to the middle of the room, the teacher having waved my paper saying it was a waster of practical time, I noticed Kim sitting in the front of the room with none other than Kathy, and a girl I learned at lunchtime was named Serena. Kim would undoubtedly want me to help her with homework, or do her homework as she didn't have a clear ethical guideline, so that would be a fun argument to have.

Olivia notice my scowling face and leaned over the desk squeaking and asked me what was wrong. Deciding to ignore the problem in front of me, I just shrugged and said I was tired. The look she gave me, made me feel a bit guilty, there was real compassion in her eyes despite having just meeting me today. I decided to tell her later, the Kim and I fiasco, and that made me feel a tad bit better.

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Political Sciences was interesting, the teacher liked to ramble I noticed, and no one could seem to interrupt Mr. Cragen when he was on a tangent. Physical Education was next though. Luckily the fall had bruised my arm enough so you couldn't tell there were finger marks, through my school issued gym clothes. They smelled horrible, and there was a hole close to the bottom. "_Who the hell designed these, they looked to be from a century or two ago_." Walking out of the dressing room, I noticed that Olivia was still wearing her long-sleeved shirt, guess she didn't like the shirts either. "_We have to jog a mile today_," she said, "_not too bad considering. I don't like the gym clothes either"_ she said with a smile, sitting down to stretch. Guess she had noticed me pulling on the hems of my shorts, they itched. She was observant, I needed to remember that. "_Benson, where are your gym clothes_?" she frowned, "_Left my shirt at home coach._" she said without the slightest hint of regret, I noticed a little defiance in her voice that made me smile. "_That's another point. What is that, fifty points already?_" The class snickered, but I just remained silent, and looked to the voice that was belittling my friend. "_I think the record is sixty, you're almost there_." The man chuckled and turned around blowing the whistle and yelling at us to get in gear, he didn't have all day. Gym teachers, at least the were universal.

I didn't like him, and decided to tell the office that I forgot to get his signature, I was new, they really couldn't say much. I didn't want to go to his office, there was something off about him, and I couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. While we ran, Olivia and I talked. About out favorite restaurants, movies, subjects, goals, plans, where we wanted to go to college. We had a lot in common I notice, and I could see us becoming good friends, and that made me smile wholeheartedly for the first time that day. After running our mile, we got dressed, and headed to the buses.

Turns out Olivia rode my bus, "_were you on here this morning_?" I asked as we sat down somewhere in the middle among the screaming idiots. "_Nah, I was running late this morning, had to walk. It's not too far from my house. Where do you live?" "I live on the outsideish of town, my Uncle left my Mam the house, so here we are." _She smiled as the bus stopped, but it didn't quite make it to her eyes. "_See you tomorrow Amanda_" she said with a wave. I waved back, watching her walk up the stairs as the bus drove a way, not looking forward to returning home, but what choice did I have.


	5. Chapter 5

Kim and I were almost the last ones on the bus. There were three people remaining when we got off, and I didn't know if I was glad we were close to the last stop, or not. On one hand it gave me more time to think, and on the other it was close to four o' clock when I actually did get home. I suppose it was a double-sided blade.

"_Have fun at school Kimberly? Meet any cool people?_" My sardonic nature might get me in trouble someday. As I pulled the door open, I could hear sounds from inside the house, Mamma and her Man Toy were at it again. Just what I needed. We snuck in the side door, avoiding the living room while Kimberly headed to the pantry to get the peanut butter and I went to the kitchen to get some apples, bread, and bottles of water. This had been our routine for a while now, and despite the fact that I was dearly annoyed with Kimberly, I wouldn't sell her out when out Mamma was going at it, and neither would she. We both knew how dangerous that could be, and we both didn't want to risk it.

Trying to be as quiet as possible, I grabbed the bread, and the apples. Just as I was reaching for the water bottles, my jacket sleeve caught the drawers loose handle edge that I had meant to fix, and broke. The resounding thud of the drawer handle, seemed to echo in my ears and all I could do was stand there as the door swung open. Oh boy. "_Little brat what the fuck do you think you're doing? You stealing from me?_" Yep, she was blazed, who knows how many beers she's had today. As she had her eyes on me, I noticed Kim sneaking to my room peanut butter in hand, at least one of us was safe.

"_I was just getting a snack Mamma. I was hungry after the first day of school. It wen_-" "_I don't fucking care how it went, did you do your chores? why do you have to be so damn loud all the damn time?_" She stepped towards me, arms raised and I stepped back knowing full well that would upset her. I didn't have to deal with this. Opening my mouth to make a retort, she grabbed the apples and threw them quite forcefully towards Kim's door. The water bottles I left on the counter went in the trash with a thud, what a waste; all I could do was stand there. "_Mamma-_" I was cut off again, as she grabbed my arm and pulled me towards her. "_If I ever catch you stealing from me again, I will kick your dirty little ass out. You got that?_" I didn't have the gusto left to argue, she'd just forget it in the morning. We've had variations of this routine several times, and she hasn't brought it up once. Her breath was horrible, "_I understand. Could I go do my chores please?_" I was done. "_Get the fuck out of here._" She let go of my arm, and pushed me toward the counter retreating back to her room. The doors slam resonated through the apartment. No doubt they were kissing and making up, she was always right in his eyes. Damn bastard.

I picked up the apple pieces, wiped the floor, and tossed them outside. Rescuing the water bottles from the trashcan, I waited and listened for any sounds of doors opening. Thankfully all was quiet. The bread had been squished when I dropped it, but it was still edible, so I picked that up too. Kim gave me a look as I went into my room, but I said nothing as I set the apples, water, and bread down on my bed. "_Help yourself_." Retreating back, I picked up the clothes scattered around the living room, and sorted them. After starting the washing machine, I picked up the dishes from the living room and brought them to the kitchen. As I wiped down the counters and kitchen table, Kim loaded the dishwasher. That was one perk of the place, there weren't many.

Stepping back, Kim went to her room, and I heard the door lock. I was used to her not speaking to me after our Mamma had an episode, perhaps she figured that I needed time alone. I just wish she would talk to me. Kim left the bread open I noticed, as I sat down and made myself a sandwich. What a first day.

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After I had managed to fall asleep sometime around one, it seemed like no time at all before it was time to get up. I beat on Kim's door to wake her up, and I got up and got in the shower to wake myself up. It was too early, and I was tired. Day two. When I got out, I heard people in the kitchen, and my Mamma's lovely singing voice. No doubt, she was making oat meal or pancakes, as an apology for last night. She never mentions what she does. After pulling on an outfit, I notice the bruises on my arm are darker than they were yesterday. No doubt of what happened in the kitchen. Maybe I'll just stick with long sleeves as well in gym today.

Putting on a happy face, Kim and I head to the kitchen to play our parts before school. As I sit down at the table, I notice the boy toy looking at Kim. I doubter her jeans could get any tighter, and this made me frown. "_So Jeramey, when are you getting a job?_" Might as well make them mad, it's not like they wont be later. "_Amanda, have some manners. He has a job._" is accompanied by a steaming bowl of oatmeal, it even has strawberries, my favorite. After taking a few bites, I push my oatmeal back, grab my backpack and head out without a word as Mam works to entertain her boy toy.

"_Kim you need to watch what you wear at home._" she just sighs. "_I know you don't listen to me, but maybe at home you could, unless you just like Jeramey's attention, then by all means keep acting how you're acting._" "_Amanda, are you okay? And besides he can't hurt me. You worry too much._" I just give her a look, I wish she wasn't so freaking naïve. "_I'll be home later than normal, I'm trying out for the cheer leading squad. Don't wait up._" I'm quiet until the bus arrives, five minutes late. Walking up the steps, I see Olivia's already on the bus, at least I don't have to sit alone.


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey_ Amanda, you look tired. Long night_?" I sit down, placing my backpack on my lap, and try not to wince as my arm hits the seat. "_You could say that_." She seems to notice that I don't want to talk so she just smiles at me, and looks at the window. For that I am thankful. After the other deviants file out, we walk up to the school. Kim is there, front and center, pouncing about like our life is just a piece of cherry pie, and I scowl. "_Is that your sister?_" I can almost taste the quizzical nature of Olivia's voice. Guess the cat's out of the bag, I was going to tell her anyways. What better time that the present? "_Yeah, that's Kim alright. She's a freshman._" I pause to look at Olivia, "_we don't exactly have the same ideas about things._"

"_That's for certain, but if you don't mind me saying, I think you have more of a head on your shoulders_." Olivia says this and looks over at me, like she is expecting retaliation from her words, but the only thing I can do is smile. "_Couldn't have said it better myself Olivia, now let's go say hi to everybody before the bell rings_." We lock arms and walk inside the building, giggling like a bunch of first graders, and for the time being, I forget the drama that is my house.

"_You two look happy_" Alex muses from beside Olivia's locker, putting up her books with a cheeky grin. Turning about to answer her, I notice Olivia has a bruise on the right side of her face. I've done the same thing, with the caked makeup and curled hair to hide behind. This leaves me frowning, but I don't want to ruin the mood, so I answer her. "_Yep, Olivia and I ate some glitter for breakfast_." My smile is sardonic, and infectious. Though quizzical about Olivia's bruise, I play around with Fin and Casey and Nick, and Alex, and Olivia and I wonder how I could have met such wonderful people and still have so much darkness in my life. We joke about until the bell rings, and Olivia and I head towards the wonderful word of Logic, we are both quiet. Lost in our thoughts, we don't notice the dude blocking the doorway. Or I don't at least. I run into him with an oof, and end up falling into Olivia. By the end of the week, I bet I'm going to have fallen, or hurt all my friends.

"_You're blocking the doorway Chester._" Olivia seems annoyed, and I am finding myself to be as well. He just smirks at her, and I notice a bit of hair gel he hasn't worked into his hair. Eww. "_And who's this lovely little thing?_" His eyes are the type I see on all my Mammas boyfriends, and I don't like it. Here's to hoping he doesn't meet Kim, Good Lord, who knows what could happen then. "_Bell's about to ring, you need to move_." "_Not until you tell me your name baby doll._" He won't stop smirking, and if I could get away with it, I'd gorge his eyes out. The looks he's giving Olivia and I. I notice she's not too keen on his attitude either. "_Just move,_" I say attempting to push my way around him, there is now a crowd of people lined up behind us now. I was never one to deal with scumbags on a passive stance. He looks at me for a moment. "_Cheeky little thing aren't you?_" He grins, but finally moves. I have a feeling we haven't seen the end of 'Chester.'

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Mrs. Henry was someone who could provoke anyone to learn, even the strictest delinquent juvenile. If anyone ate glitter for breakfast it was her, or maybe she ate rays of Sunshine. Who knows. I ignored most of what she said, not intentionally of course, but my mind was just in other places. Alex seemed to notice my mood change from earlier in the morning, and when the teacher told us to talk over our novel project with our partners, she pounced on that.

"_Are you alright Amanda" I heard about Chester from Casey. We both want to kick his ass too. He's a player_." I looked at her for a moment, and smiled. "_Word get's around here fast. I noticed_." She looked concerned too. Ah hell. "_Is Olivia ah okay?_" "_Yeah, I'm sure, we've been dealing with Chester since Junior High. Why do you ask?_" Dammit I lost my nerve, "_I was just curious_." Maybe I'd ask her tomorrow, maybe I'd talk to Olivia myself. "_You know, I haven't known you for long, I mean a day isn't long at all, but if you need to talk, about anything I'm around. We all are. I hope that's not too informal of me to have said_." She looks worried for a moment, and the back of my throat hurts. "_No, not at all, Thank you Alex. I'm so glad I ran into you. Literally_." Giving her a smile, we turn back to the teacher who now wants a verbal summary of what we are doing. Guess we should have actually talked about what we are doing. I stand up nervous, and look over at Alex who is biting her lip. "_Our project-..._" I'm cut off by the bell and Mrs. Henry smiles. I think she knows we weren't paying attention. "_Would you like to go to the library in town after school to study. Or we could go to my house? I'll invite Olivia and Casey over, and we can have a study game_?" "_Yes, that'd be great. See you at lunch_." Initially I wasn't certain if this school would be fun or not, I was clearly running on nerves then. The only thing I had to worry about now, was telling Kim I wouldn't be home either.


	7. Chapter 7

I found Kim in the hallway after Physics, talking to Kathy none the less. "_Excuse me, sister of no style needs to borrow Kim for a moment_." I give her a smirk and she scoffs and walks away. "_Amanda why'd you do that for, we were talking bout' tryouts. She says I have a good chance. Can you imagine me in the cute little uniform?_" She seems to contemplate this with a little glee in her eyes, giving her little bum a shake. I don't have time for this. I could ask her if she's actually thought this through but I don't. She needs to fight her own battles. "_What'd you want Manda? I need to go._" "_Look, I'm going to study at someones house, we have a project due. I'll be home late. Don't wait up._" "_K Manda. I could have figure it out you know. Gosh, you treat me like such a baby_." If she wasn't my sister, and I didn't have her back half the time, I seriously wonder how Kim would survive sometimes.

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Kim goes over to her posse of idiots, and I see Chester among them. Here's to hoping he doesn't make the correlation between us; she'd just end up getting hurt, and as much as she annoys me sometimes, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Walking over, I see my friends laughing and joking. I didn't know Nick very well, or Casey or Fin for that matter, but if Olivia and Alex trusted them, I would too. They seemed to have good judgement skills from what I've seen. "_Hey guys, sorry I'm late_." "_Hey Amanda, where ya been? There's only like five minutes of lunch left._" Fins scoots over and lets me sit beside him. What a nice guy. Smirking I sit down,and put my backpack on the table to lean on. "_I had something to take care of, but I'm here now. So Alex, are we still on for the study party?_" "_But of course_." All the girls at the table are smiling. "_it's until eight, because my parents want me to go to some function thing for the company, but until then is fine. I'd rather study with you guys anyways_." Oh. "_What do your parents do Alex?_"

Her face falls for a moment, and I see something that looks like anger in her eyes, and I am momentarily taken aback. "_Dads a lawyer, works for the courthouse. He's running for mayor this term. I'm guess this parties for his candidacy, but I'm not supposed to know. Mum's the word._" Everyone's quiet for a moment. I'm guessing there is some bad animosity between Alex's parents, so I say nothing. We've all been there, or are there, depending on who you are. As the bell rings we all go to our Political Sciences class, momentarily quiet each caught up in our own thoughts, and I have to say, it wasn't entirely uncomfortable.

As Mr. Cragen was rambling on about one of his newest theories, Alex looked like she was in candy land. Nick and Fin looked bemused but were paying attention, Olivia was staring into space. She didn't blink I noticed, _How could you not blink_ I wondered. And Casey was drawing in a small sketchbook. She was drawing a city on fire for whatever reason, you didn't mess with an artists style, and then she drew a girl playing softball. The bat, the ball, and several diamonds, some gear. I smiled, but she didn't notice me looking, at her she was caught up in her drawing. So I pulled out a piece of paper and wrote a note : Do they have a softball team here? and slid it over to interrupt her thoughts. She smiled, and wrote something back. Yes, they do. I'm assuming you play, or you wouldn't have asked. I can talk to you more about it tonight. Lord knows we need another good player. :)  Tucking the note into the back of my notebook, I tuned back into what Mr. Cragen was saying, hopeful for my future here once more. I had friends, and they had a softball team. One of the things I missed most, was softball, and I could finally play again. Even though life was hell most of the time, this was definitely something to look forward to.

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Gym I decided, was completely irrelevant. After berating Olivia, and another girl for not dressing out, I felt the teachers eyes on me. "_Is Kim you sister? Kim Rollins_." Duh. "_Yes sir she is_." How the hell did you guess that. "_She has no problem dressing out. I don't think you should have a problem either._" "_Yes Sir._" "_Everybody listen up, since Rollins here can't remember to wear the proper attire, we're running a mile and a half today, followed by fifty sit ups._" Bastard. I could hear groans around me, and people complaining. Why the hell was this my fault? I bet he was one of those egotistical people who loved to be in control, and the only control he had, was pushing high school girls to do whatever he wanted them to do. "_Rollins hang back for a minute_." Assuring Olivia I would catch up, I watched her slowly jog away. "_You will dress in the proper clothes from now on, are we clear? If you don't I will give you detention after school, and nobody likes my detention. Now get moving_." I said nothing as I caught up to Olivia. "_What a jerk_." She nodded, and we carried on in silence. After five laps we had one more, and I noticed she was limping a slight bit, her gait off from yesterday.

"_Umm, Olivia are you alright_?" She stopped for a moment, and started walking. "_I don't care what he says, I am walking for a bit, and yes I am fine Amanda._" Her face I notice, was still caked with makeup, and due to sweating in the November sunshine, it was coming off a bit. "_You know I do listen fairly well, though I know I haven't known you but a day, I trust you. Gosh, why am I so weird_?" I just wanted her to know she could trust me, but then again, I didn't tell her my mom was a raging psychopath, why would she tell me anything. It was quiet for a moment. "_I tripped and fell going up the stairs in my apartment building. You know the grey building in town. Bout a half mile from school. Wasn't watching where I was going. I am fine Amanda, just sore_." I doubted her for a minute, and then she smiled and I definitely doubted her. We'd tell each other in our own time, what was wrong, because there are some things you just don't rush - trust was one of them.

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After our grueling workout, I was even sore. It took us a little longer than usual to get dressed, and as a result Alex and Casey were waiting for us when left the changing room. "_So glad I took extra gym when I did_" Alex said stringing her arm through Olivia's. "_It was a pity they got rid of that program_." It was quiet between us as we walked to Alex's car, with the sounds of fleeing students, football players, and squeaky school buses playing in the background. Alex's car was a blue oldie, with bubbly tires, and a dream-catcher hanging from the mirror. "_This was not what I expected_" I found myself saying as I got into the back of the car. "_I know right, I would expect her to drive something like a Porsche_" Casey chimed. "_Or to be driven_" was Olivia's contribution, which we all laughed at. Leaving the parking lot, Alex turned on the radio, "_It's study party time._"


	8. Chapter 8

So what do you guys think thus far?

I can't say I knew what was on the radio, seeing as I didn't really get to listen to music that often, but I doubted I would forget that first outing with my girlfriends. It was a whirlwind of noise; turns out none of us are particularly musically inclined, but that didn't stop us from trying. I found myself giggling after I attempted to sing, and at the devious look on Olivia's face when she, and finally Casey, left Alex to sing all by her lonesome self. We caught Alex's unamused eyes in the mirror, which only made us laugh harder, and after a moment Alex joined in unable to ignore our pure joy of the situation. By the time we got to Alex's well-groomed, pristine white house my sides hurt- I hadn't laughed like that in a while.

Olivia and I got out of the backseat by sliding across the seat cover, and I couldn't stifle the wow that came out of my mouth. Looking over at Alex sheepishly, she just smiled. "_It's a little much I know, but it comes with the territory. My Dad invested well I guess. Let's go inside_." After we were inside, Alex lead us to her kitchen, and while I felt a bit uncomfortable, it didn't last long. "_Aleex, I see you brought some friends home. Would you like a snack?_" This came from one of the sweetest people I had ever met, Mrs. Fulton was a sixty year old woman, who baked like a twenty year old, and had one of the loveliest voices I had ever heard. "_Ah Casey, it's so good to see you, and Olivia your eyes are as beautiful as always._" She said this and gave them each a hug in turn, turning to me with a hug she said, "_I don't believe I've met you before. I'm Mrs. Fulton, but everybody calls me Mrs. Sara_." Momentarily stunned I pause for a moment. "_Name's Amanda ma'am_." "_Amanda, well it's very nice to meet you._" Her smile is infectious. "_I've put cut up veggies on the bar, there is lemonade in the refrigerator. Enjoy yourselves girls, don't study too hard._" With a wave, she is out the door.

We sort of hover as Alex pulls the food Sara left us out of the refrigerator, and my tummy rumbles; after all, I hadn't eaten lunch. "_Well Amanda's hungry at least_" after that, we are back to giggling, and I wonder if we're actually going to do work. "_Imagine, death by giggling_" I say, which only promotes our hysteria."_Cause of death, amusement._""_Seriously guys_" Olivia says, standing up with her hand to her side, "_we need to do some homework._" Grabbing a carrot stick, I head over to the table with Alex, and we take out our notes for the day. "_I uh, my notes aren't the best_" I say showing them to her with a frown. "_Then I guess it's good I took good notes then, eh?_" she says this with a wink, and I let out a sigh of relief, perhaps this would be a group project where I didn't have to do everything. That was a relief.

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For a few hours, the only sounds that can be heard are those of quiet chatter pertaining to the group assignments at hand, and the sounds of the clock ching, ching, chinging every fifteen minutes."_No matter how long I am over here"_ Casey says while she stretches long and lean like a giraffe, "_I never get used to that. How'd you do it __Alex?_" Alex just turns to us with a smile brushing her long blonde hair behind her ear, "_it's just part of the scenery_." "_We got so much done tonight_" Olivia says stretching as well, attempting to stuff about eighty papers in one folder. "_Ah Olivia_" I say with amusement, "_you need help with that?_" "_No_"she says as half of the papers hits the ground around her, floating lightly, "_Well, I thought I had it._" Smiling, I pick some of the pieces that had drifted over to me, up. Closing the gap between us, I follow the papers. "_Here, let me..."_ I pause, Olivia's shirt sleeve has drifted up, and I can see a purple and blue mark that looks to be in the shape of a hand print - I knew it. "_What were you saying Amanda?_" she asks me, her eyes amused at her clumsiness, or maybe it's my face. Forcing myself to smile, I hand her the papers "_You need a bigger folder._" I have a feeling my smile doesn't reach my eyes, but fortunately for me, she doesn't really know me too well quite yet, so that doesn't register on her radar.

Piling back into Alex's car, I am quiet. The others are talking, and I occasionally give imput, but not like before. If the others notice, they don't say much. I keep catching Alex's eyes in the mirror, and I notice that Olivia is giving me looks as well. Maybe I will ask her tomorrow, if I have the nerve to that is. I don't know what I could do, depending on her situation, we maybe in the same boat. Two is better than one, maybe. The first person we drop off is Casey. She lives in a modest little house with rose bushes,"_I like your flowers_" I call to her, but I don't think she hears me, or the other shouts of "_Bye_" from Olivia and Alex as she goes inside with a little wave.

Olivia's place is next, it's a grey apartment building, with unhappy looking doors. It's close to the road that leads to my house, and the train tracks I will be crossing every day until I graduate. I pause for a moment, "_Hey Alex, let me out. I can walk, I really don't want to give you trouble._"She gives me a look, "_where's your house Amanda?_" I point to the road and wave at Olivia as she closes the metal door. "_Really, I don't want you to be late getting home_." I hadn't thought this far into the future, what if Mamma's there? What if Kim's there? What if she has one of her latest boy toys parading around? As we near my driveway, I smile and ask Alex to stop just short. "_I don't want to wake my Mum up you know. Long hours at the grocery store_." She doesn't know it's a lie, and I intend to keep it that way. With a smile and a wave she is off, and I let out the deep breath I was holding. Nearing the house, I can hear the shouting. The good day I just had is forgotten in the back of my mind. "Fuck this." I find myself saying aloud, Not going to let them ruin another day.

I can't bring myself to go inside the house, the door is a peeling paint of a force field. I shiver. I need to find somewhere to stay for a while, maybe the 24hour diner close to Olivia's apartment house. I hear something crash, and before I can lose my nerve, I pull my jacket around me, and head to town. It's going to be a long night.


	9. Chapter 9

I've decided to maybe to write a few in Olivia's, Alex's and Casey's Point of View. Maybe Fin, but I'm not the best at writing male Point of Views.

_Olivia._

As I watched them drive away, I felt that familiar pang of sadness I felt when I left school, or got off the bus, as I did with abandoning my friends each day. They were my solace, but I would never let them know that, beyond the realm of normal. Peaking through the window, I made sure Alex's car left my point of view as well as hers, then I snuck to the post office that resided in the bottom of the building. I've done this since I could remember. The neighbors here, were good at listening, but not speaking to me. I was a ghost. I realized they must know what went one in my apartment, but they were the type to keep to themselves, and for that I was thankful. Nobody likes pity, and I sure as hell did not. They had a habit of leaving the magazines, and other stuff they did not want on the bar between the mail boxes that resided beside the trash can, and that is where I was headed.

My wrists ached, and I found myself playing at the ends of my shirtsleeves in trying to alleviate the annoyance of pain. Earlier I had worried about Casey seeing the bruises on my wrists. Though they were my best friends, they couldn't know, and neither could Amanda and Fin. I didn't want those looks that everyone universally gave abused kids. I just couldn't do it. There were a few magazines for touristy type stuff, a flyer for a local church potluck, and a few coupons for the grocery store. The walls shook a bit I noticed, and a little piece of paint flaked off and fell to the floor beside my feet. Kicking it under the mail boxes, I decided to go to my apartment. Why fight the inevitable.

The door was unlocked when I got there, and that was never a good sign. "_Mom_" I find myself whispering. Hopefully she's drunk herself into a stupor, or is at the office grading papers again. She's a professor at a college about half an hour away, a quite respectful one too. If only she could find that same type of respect for her daughter. There were new opened bottles on the coffee table I notice, as well as shoes that looked to be haphazardly kicked off in a flight of fury to get to the bedroom. I straightened the shoes, and put the bottles on the kitchen counter towards the back, so there was little chance they could be knocked off. My stomach rumbled. I guess I should have eaten more at Alex's I thought, we don't really have much. Apart from school, I clean a few of the neighbors apartments, and do most of the chores around the house - including the grocery shopping, for myself primarily.

Grabbing the apple that looked the least bruised, I turned to go out of the kitchen, and ran into my Mom. She was beautiful once, I had thought one day, but years of drinking has affected her. I suppose you don't think about things such as beauty when you're drunk though, and lust has taken over. "_Ooolleevviia. Where's you been?_" She's drunk, and I realize this could go both of two ways. "_I was studying Mother._" I say to her taking a baby step back. "_With Alex, the blonde one. The one you like_" Another step, keep her there. She looks at me for a moment, her eyes red and weepy, her hair disheveled, and she moves before I can take notice and try to move out of the way. _Slap_. I feel my teeth vibrating in my skull, my nose hurts. I fall into the wall, as she yells at me. _Supposed to be home long ago. Out acting like a slut with that blonde prostitute. _I only catch bits and pieces, but I stand there until she's done. The man she's with calls to her softly, and off she goes back into his drunken arms. Picking myself up, I stand there and watch the door slam. She meets my eyes, and I know she must feel something. Mother's can't be that cruel can they? Then again, she didn't even want me, so maybe that was a long shot. Whatever the censure, I have had enough. I don't even try to be quiet, as I grab a change of clothes, my tooth brush, and the books for school that I most likely won't be returning to pick up tomorrow. I am out of here. I make sure to slam the door on my way out, my face aches.

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Amanda.

I realize the walk to town is longer than I thought it would be, especially at night. So far, two trucks of good ole local boys have driven by with the windows down, and have given me the four one one on what they would like to do to me. _Assholes_. I ignore them to the best of my ability though, and I was alone once more. The stars were beautiful though, all clear and crisp, and I had to smile, that was one view you didn't have in the city. I wondered how Alex's party was going, and what Casey was doing as I walked. I wondered about Olivia, and I wondered where Kim was and if she was safe. I wondered _why_ most of all, why things had to be certain way for certain people. I let my feet scuff the sidewalk, and my toes drag. I was tired. It had only been an hour and a half since Alex dropped me off but it felt like longer, maybe half the night.

The town clock struck nine as I walked by the Baptist church, maybe it would be comforting to pray, but not today. I could feel the cold in my bones, and the jacket I wore was doing me no favors. I decided then, that if I had a few dollars, I would get a hot chocolate, and maybe a cookie or two. I always did like my sweets. My Mamma used to say I was going to get fat, but so far I hadn't. Probably because we never could afford much by the way of junk food. I guess, I could be thankful for that.

The lights of the Diner seemed to radiate, and light up the town. The lone shining beacon of hope, I wondered where the Christmas lights were. Opening the door, a bell rang out, and a call of _I'll be with you soon sugah_ greeted me. The warmness was heavenly. Looking around, I noticed several men who looked to be eating breakfast before work, a lovely old couple holding hands over a coffee cup, and a strangely familiar brown haired person. "_Olivia_" I call before I can stop myself. When she turns around, I bet the surprise on her face masks my own. Only, the look I know, the look on her face, is that of a defeated person, who's just fought with the devil and lost.


	10. Chapter 10

Ten chapters thus far. Thank you for the few readers I have, you're all lovely.

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I find myself walking slowly over to Olivia. She's turned her head so it's away from me, and doesn't seem to register when I sit down. Looking at her, I can't really decided what the look on her face is, it could be so many from this point of view, but I do notice the forming bruise on her cheek. "_Olivia,_" I whisper softly, "_are you alright_?" The noise around us is deafening, the light Christmas music is slow, lethargic even in its cheeriness. The clanking of cups from the dishwasher, is a darkly ballad. My bones, my heart aches for Olivia. She finally turns to me, her face a mixture of pale blue, and eyes that are tired, and I wiggle under her gaze. There is definitely something there she's afraid to say.

"_I'm fine Amanda, now here comes the waitress so you better order._" I look at here for a moment, and then turn to the waitress with a big smile. Turning on the charm I ask for two hot chocolates with extra whip cream, and camel sauce. I found five dollars in my bag on the walk over, and I do believe we deserve to drown in chocolate, it's better than the alcoholic alternative I've decided. "_It'll be out real soon hun_" and with a swish of her skirt she's gone. Before I lose my nerve, I face Olivia. "_I know your secret, if someone's hurting you, I..._" I don't know what to say. "_I know what it's like... I don't know what I could do to help... I could listen..._"Where was this coming from, this wasn't helping at all. The salt shakers were handy, so slipping my bag off and setting it on the seat beside me, I cover the lid, and spin them. Around and around they go, and still, Olivia says nothing.

_Olivia._

_Way hadn't I noticed it before? _Why the hell did it have to be Amanda that found out. It could have been Casey walking through that door, or Fin or Much and Nick even. She's talking, but I can't really hear her, how the hell can I get out of this one. "_I know what it's like..._" Wait, did she have a hell like this. I watch her spin the salt shaker, around and around. What the hell am I supposed to say to her? Hell. The waitress brings two hot chocolates, and Amanda scoots one over to my side of the table with a smile, right beside my school books. I figured, I'd work ahead as long as I was here. What could it hurt.

For now she is alternating between looking at me, spinning the salt shaker, and drinking her hot cocoa. Looking back, I see she has a bit of whip cream on her nose. I smile which seems to puzzle her. "_You've ah... got a little something on your nose_." She smiles and grabs a napkin from the canister.I can't keep this up forever. "_So, uh...how much do you know?_" She stops wiping her face, neatly folds the napkin and pushes her almost empty cup away from her. "_The caked makeup, your arm. The long sleeves. Your face tonight. I uh... recognize the signs. Are you okay?_" She doesn't pity me I notice, she just looks sad, defeated. This puzzles me. "_My Mom just gets carried away sometimes. She is a professor, you know how a teachers life can be_." It's not a complete lie, but I can't tell her the complete truth just yet. Hurts too much. "_Her boyfriend is over and he's not too nice a guy_." I don't know who the hell he is. "_I don't want to get in there way, they're uh.. stress releaving._ _It's really not that bad_." She opens her mouth, and then closes it. She needs to say something, this is more than Alex, Casey and Fin even know. They just think my Mom is uptight.

Amanda.

I can't tell if she's lying, but I've only known her for about three days, so who am I to know. "_I know all about that, my Mam has her fair share of those. They never do clean up after themselves_." She looks relieved for a moment, and then her face has a look I don't realize. "_So you know about my Mother_" she says, "_why're you here Amanda?_" Oh man, I guess the tables have turned. I fidget, not knowing what to say. Back home, everybody's parents roughed them up a bit, but I just got the lucky end of the straw, my Mam didn't know when to stop. Can I tell her that? I decide against it. "_I just fancied a hot chocolate_." Not a complete lie, I had meant to go here. "_Heat's off, and my Mamma was busy. Kim's out, so I decided to come here_."

She looks skeptical and I don't blame her - we're both liars, and we both know it. Everything's just awkward now. I seize in the diner. The fancy homely feel. The walls are yellow, the floor is wooden and polished, the booths are a cream color. There are old-fashioned pictures lining the walls, and the windows have gingham curtains. I breathe in, breathe out. In, out. We are still here, and we are both liars. It's nearing eleven now, and I figure I could head back if I wanted to. Since Mamma was home, she's most likely dead to the world by now. I wonder where Kim is.

"_Amanda_" Olivia's voice is shaky, but loud. "_Would you mind not telling them about this? I don't need pity, and I don't need them to know. I wouldn't have told you but...I think this should stay quiet, I know I can trust you._" She says this rather coldly despite the warm meaning in her last statement, I see how it is, "_yeah, I'll keep it to myself_. _Don't worry about it._" We're liars. I'm a liar. It feels like she doesn't want me around now, she seems cold like the November air. I find myself standing. Leaving a crumpled five dollar bill in the middle of the table, with a few loose coins from my pocket. My lunch money for the next few days, but I guess it's worth it. At least she knows I listen, if she needs it, which I doubt from what she's said. "_I'll see you tomorrow_." Yes, it was going to be past midnight when I got home, but I don't really care anymore. When the wind hits me, I regret my choice. Olivia is watching me walk away with her eyes, she said nothing but goodbye. I doubted she'd do anything else. We aren't best friends. I'm not Casey or Alex, or Fin, Nick. Anybody. I am a nobody.


	11. Chapter 11

Amanda.

It was going to be a long day. I got home around one thirty, and to my relief, my house was silent. My hair was windblown, and Kim wasn't around, her bed empty. I took a hot shower to warm my skin. I was so cold, I felt it had frozen, and would never thaw out. The blood pulsing through my veins was ice water. I was trying to rationalize what had happened with Olivia. Maybe I would try to talk to her tomorrow. I can't imagine what I would do if someone found out about what went on here, if I hadn't meant to tell them.

Dammit I got soap in my eyes, they burned. Maybe I would react in the same manner. I wouldn't mean to be cold, it would just happen. I reasoned it was her defense against nosy little people. Probably why other people hadn't asked her, even Alex, and Casey. After getting out of the shower, the cold hair hit me like a truck, and I decided to talk to her tomorrow no matter what, but for now, I was going to bed. Sleep was the best place for me I decided.

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Casey.

After Alex dropped me off, I saw Olivia's lips move as I went inside. I couldn't read them, so I just smiled and waved. Amanda had been quiet on the ride home, and I wondered why. On the way over, she was talkative, her sense of humor something else that was an endearing quality. I was happy to have met her. Not to mention she played Softball. We could always use new players. Half the ones we had, were afraid of getting their nails broken. And you could infer what that means for our chances of winning anything.

Tossing my school bag next to the door in my room, I headed to the kitchen to grab a sandwich. I had been too preoccupied with talking to Olivia and working on our last project of the semester to eat anything at Alex's house. As I was looking in the refrigerator, the front door slammed, I guess _Dad's home_. "_Caseee, where you at_?" Grabbing all the necessities of a sandwich, I set them on the counter and kept quiet. It's always better for me when I keep quiet, hold my tongue, though that's the last thing I would rather do. My Dad is rather misogynistic at times, but I've just smile. After he came home from overseas, and Mom died, he's been different. He's all I had though, so I would deal with whatever nonsense he spouted grin and bear it, as Mom always said.

Sometimes my Dad get's so drunk, he forgets who I am I've decided. Or that is what I decided towards the fact, that he grabbed my wrist and squeezed until I was crying, my back against the wall. I don't think he knew who I was. Sloppy tears ran down my cheeks, with a chorus of "_Dad stop_._ Dad_."And three minutes later he's passed out and I'm in my room with an icepack. I've thought about telling Alex,and Olivia or Munch who has the cutest little glasses and controversial stories ever, but I wouldn't want them to be sad for me. There is too much sadness in this world already.

I know Olivia knows. I've watched her wear long sleeves in the Summertime, and cover up the bruises with thickly caked makeup. It's a good thing we went to drama camp in the fifth grade, or she would be a walking pallet of bruises. My wrist hurts, I move it around to make sure nothing is too entirely hurt. That makes it hurt even more. Awkwardly sitting up from my warm and toasty bed, I garner a trip to get some Tylenol but I am worried he's still my door it squeaks, "_Daddy_?" His snores echo from the bedroom, it's safe.

In the bathroom, the harsh light makes me look paler than I actually am. My arm throbs. Opening the medicine cabinet, I find just the right bottle I am looking for, and empty one, two, three, four pills into the palm of my hurting hand. It's more than you're supposed to take, but I am tired and nobody will swallowing the pills, I hit the mirror one day I can kick ass, put away those people who need help, like my Dad or whoever is hurting Olivia. But for now, I am tired, the sleepiness is weighing on my eyelids and I think it's time for a nap.

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Olivia.

I watched Amanda walk outside, and my mouth felt as if it was stuffed with cotton. What could I say that would help anyone? She had just admitted that she knew what I was going through, and in a sick way we were kindred spirits. Kindred spirits of child abuse, I wondered what the patron Saint of that would be. I'd have to ask Casey on an off day, she was Catholic after all. I should have followed her out, I thought to myself after a few minutes. Licking the last of the whip cream from the china cup, I pulled a few dollars from my pocket and left it on the table with Amanda's money. I couldn't stay here any longer. I was cold, tired, and I had just hurt the person who might have been able to help me the most. I saw it in her eyes. Walking back to my apartment, I let my fingers feel the cold metal of the fence posts. Kicked the rocks as they appeared under my feet. Anything to keep me from getting where I was going.

The apartment was locked when I got there, a good sign if anything. She was either out, or sleeping, and I didn't have to deal with her either way. I shivered, taking off my clothes. A warm wash cloth to wipe the makeup off. My face looked horrible. My body felt horrible. At least if I was sleeping, nobody wouldn't be hurting, I wouldn't be hurting. Yes, sleep was a welcome.

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The next few days were quiet. Amanda was still upset from the way Olivia acted and what she said, and Olivia didn't know how to apologize. After that night with her Dad, Casey was also preoccupied with something she didn't care to tell anyone. Not even Munch when he said how cute she looked in her teal rimmed glasses. Despite the quietness of the group, they welcomed another new member to the group, her name was Melinda and she was a scientific genus, as Alex found out that first day when Melinda basically called Sonia an idiot in not so laments terms with a cliché filled scientific description of stupidity. Alex could tell that Fin liked her, he always got quiet when she was around, and this made her smile. "_I'd smile more though_,"she said to herself as she watch them all interact around the lunch table, all of them not quite honest, "_If I knew what the hell was going on._"


	12. Chapter 12

Amanda.

The last few days had been relatively quiet between Olivia and myself. It had been a week and a half already, and we were no where close to being anything like we were. There was a coolness there, that I didn't like, but I didn't care to fix. It would fix itself eventually I garnered. I was upset, but I didn't show it. Not to Casey, or Alex, or Munch or the transfer Melinda, or Nick who I realized I shared an affinity of jogging and literature with. They asked, but I still felt left out, and I felt they didn't need to know. I didn't know how to tell them without involving Olivia, she had asked me to be quiet. I'd just be quiet, it'd be best for everyone. It was the beginning of December, and it was unusually hot for this time of year. We had to run sprints, because more than half the class hadn't worn the proper attire - citing the broke washing machine as the source of the problem. "_You should have washed you clothes at home_" is what the coach said before assigning us our lovely task of the day.

I loathed the man, and I could see that Olivia did as well, but we said nothing to each other and kept sprinting. The cheerleaders were yelling, drill after drill as we ran from the sidelines, and I found myself getting angrier and angrier with Kim, and I didn't know why. Perhaps because everything was so damn easier for her to do, but that wasn't her fault I pleaded. Maybe it was because Mamma had punched me in the stomach last night, saying that I hadn't done the laundry or the shopping as of late. Of course when I tried to tell her that her man toy had eaten most of what I bought in a haphazard rush a few days ago, she retaliated. Every breath I took hurt my lungs.

I lagged behind, I was about four sprints from everyone else. Even the slow runners, that took their sweet time and didn't seem to care about the threats the coach showered on us daily, were ahead of me. Olivia watched me for a moment, I only had three left, _why was the field so long_. She turned and went into the dressing room after the coach yelled at her, and I didn't blame her. I hadn't been the most talkative, or nicest person to be around - _I don't know why, but it didn't matter what they did, or said I felt isolated and alone_. Two more. I was running back, and I saw the coach walking to where I would have to touch down, to make it officially one more. "_Rollins_" he said, with a drawl on my last name, "_Why don't you stop for the day_." That was weird, he never let anyone quit early. "_Uh, thanks Coach. I better go..._" He looks at me, "_I said stop, I didn't say run off. Come on. You did finish last._" He gestures for me to follow him, and I find this to be weird indeed.

When we go inside, the air conditioner hits my face, it is heavenly. I would take the cold any day. "_I need you to take some papers to the office for me before school ends_." I had never been in his office before. It's messy and I wonder how he could find anything. I find myself standing there, awkwardly as he moves papers around, knocks a cup of pencils over, and finally seems to grab the right ones. I feel uneasy. They're in a manilla folder, with red tabs sticking out the left side, and he is smiling. "_Well_" he says, "_Here they are_." As I reach out to grab them, he drops them to the ground, gauging the look on his face, I would say he did that intentionally. "_Pick them up_."Something is off, and I just stare at him. "_I said_" his hand goes to my wrist, "_pick them up._"Something is very wrong. His eyes. I notice something in his eyes and it scares me, but I damn well won't be intimidated. I've dealt with scum like him before. "_No_."

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Alex.

Something had been going on between Olivia and Amanda, and neither wanted to talk about it. So I had proposed a girls night - food, silly romance movies, gossip. I had invited Olivia, Amanda, Casey, and the new girl who I found to already be an essential part of our group, Melinda to join us. I thought this was a great idea when I had thought of it a few days ago, now I wasn't so sure. Melinda would be over later, she had prior commitments to take care of, she was apparently a babysitting master along with a scientific genius. Casey and I were waiting for Olivia and Amanda on the only bench that had offered shade. Casey was reading another mystery crime novel, and I couldn't help but pick at this one loose thread on my dark blue skirt - _where were they?_ Olivia came out of the locker room alone, no sign of Amanda. I had a feeling this party would be off to a great start. Pushing my doubt aside, I waved to Olivia, who waved back after a moment. Her hair wet, and her eyes red I noticed; however, since she clearly was trying to hide those facts, I wouldn't question her quite yet. "_Where's Amanda_?"

"_Amanda had four more sprints to go when I left_" she said, "_I don't know what's taking her so long?_" "_Maybe she bailed_" Casey said looking up from her novel, "_you guys haven't been talking much lately maybe she felt overwhelmed_." I watched Olivia's face fall. "_No Casey, I think she's just taking forever to shower._" I found myself saying trying to lighten the situation. After ten minutes had passed, I looked at Casey and Olivia who was wringing her hands together time, and time again, and we decided to go see for ourselves where exactly Amanda was.

Her locker was still locked and I could see the black t-shirt she was wearing today still inside as were her jeans, sneakers, and backpack. "_Her stuff is still here_" I find myself saying with hints of a question on my tongue. "_Maybe she had to run extra because she was so far behind?_" Casey commented, "_you know how that old man is_." We laughed lightly for a moment, but I found my stomach in knots - _where was she?_

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_Uh-oh, looks like Manda is in trouble maybe... Dun, dun, dun._


	13. Chapter 13

_Casey._

I tended to notice more than people gave me credit for, just ask my last few History teachers. I like to make sure things were correctly stated and correctly prosecuted in that order precisely. If we didn't correctly know the History of our pasts, we were definitely doomed on repeating it. When Alex mentioned Amanda's clothes were still there I was curious. This wasn't like Amanda and we all knew it, it was written on everyone's faces. I bet Olivia felt guilty for whatever she did, and Alex was worried that her party would not go off with out hitch. She was a bit of a perfectionist and we all knew it, even she knew it. _Thank goodness_, try having to tell that to someone. If I was in a particularly jovial mood, I liked to call her the ice queen but this wasn't one of those times.

"_Maybe we should go to the coach, maybe he's in his office_" Olivia said while attempting to sound normal, undoubtedly more normal than I'm sure she felt. "_He could know where she is, tell us if he gave her a mile to run or something._" "_I suppose it would be a good idea_" Alex said to her, her voice resigned. "_I'm sure she is fine guys you don't need to worry so much._" I would at least be positive until proven otherwise.

I hated his office, it was in the back corner of the dressing room, where the lights flickered, and not many people walked by. I found myself here once before, after I had hit Sonia in the head with a lacrosse stick from some retort - accidentally of course. His eyes had bore into mine, and they seemed to go through my clothes. After he gave me detention for the next week, I booked it out of there, and took a thirty minute long shower to get the filth off. When we got to his office, blinds were drawn and the door was closed. "_Should we knock?_" I say looking back at Olivia and Alex. "_Yes, but have Alex do it. He could be on the phone or something. He always did like you the best out of all of us_." But when we heard a chair hit the ground, with the sounds of glass breaking and a small yelp, I think it was definitely safe to say that he wasn't on his phone.

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_Amanda_.

I found myself pinned to the wall and for once I was rendered speechless. All those times I tried to keep myself safe, tried to keep Kim safe in whatever little hell hole we ended up in, and I was stuck here with my gym teacher of all people. The bottom of the totem pole in High School society, how ironic. He had a rueful longing in his eyes that Mamma's boy toys generally reserved for her while they were on there way to the bedroom, and occasionally for Kimberly when she wore her slut clothes as I called them, around the house. When I caught them looking at her, I would generally kick her butt out the door, and give them a glare until they turned away.

No, I wouldn't go like this - he couldn't do this. Maybe someone would hear me. Maybe someone would knock on the door. "_You don't want to do this,_" I yelled, but he didn't listen to me. I had friends, even if I felt alone, and I still had to help Kim. He wasn't going to hurt me like this. I could almost feel myself starting to hyper ventilate. The cool white walls were mocking me, the ceiling showed exposed wires, and I could see the slates of the roof. If only one would fall and electrocute, him or me, depending on the outcome of this situation. "_Shhh baby doll_" he said slamming his ugly parched lips to mine, "_this won't hurt a bit_." He was leaning heavily on me, his bad breath overwhelming my senses - I couldn't breathe. My arms he was holding against the wall, I could feel the paint digging into them like little bugs, my stomach hurt from the weight of his body. _Death by suffocation_ I thought in passing.

His lips were like sandpaper on mine, his taste revolting. I thought about biting his tongue which was trying to invade my mouth, but that would be giving up a part of what little control I had in the situation. He stopped to look at me, to breathe, and I jerked away from him slamming into the desk chair. Unfortunately I didn't think that through, and we both hit the floor. His hands momentarily lost their grip on me, and I found myself scrambling, reaching for anything. A paper - no. A Volleyball - maybe. I aimed for his face, but instead hit the glass window of his office. The blinds did nothing to deter the ball, and I could hear the class crinkling. _Oh shit_. What lust I saw before, was now masked by fury, and as he lunged for me. "_Not so fast girly_" he said pulling me back by my feet. I could only hope someone heard us. I was wheezing now, tossing my head from side to side. I couldn't breathe.

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_Olivia._

"_That sounds like glass?_" Alex said, in her voice was a question. A question I was not willing to wait for an answer to. Something hit the ground, with a thud, and I heard shallow breaths that sounded like they were coming from someone who was asthmatic and didn't have their inhaler. "_Something is wrong_." Before anyone could stop me, I pulled open the door, and what met my eyes make me furious. "_Get the fuck off her._" Amanda was being held against the floor, her arms above her head, and she was paler than Casey in the wintertime. Those shallow breaths I heard were coming from her. The Coach just looked at us, before letting go of her arms, pulling her up with him, and pushing her towards us. Before she fell, Casey caught her,holding her close as she looked to be in shock. "_If any one you breathe a word to anyone about this"_, he said. He was trying to be menacing, but I thought he was a fucking cowardly pedophile. "_I will flunk all of you. Including you Miss Alexandra. Your Daddy, your Science teacher, and I go way back. Now get out of here."_

Casey was almost pulling Amanda out. There was close to no color in her cheeks, and her movements were whispered "_13-24-62_" when we got to her locker. After getting her clothes, she stuffed them in her gym bag - I don't think she cared that she had grass stains on her knees and her face was dirty. I know I wouldn't I wanted to fucking kill that bastard, and from the looks of it, Alex and Casey felt the same. After we got her in the car there was a silence. "_I'm fine guys._" I notice she said this without convention, and the small smile she gave us definitely didn't reflect her crossed arms, and down cast eyes. "_Amanda_" Alex paused, I am sure she was going about the best way to phrase what we all knew was coming next, "_he sexually assaulted you. You don't have to be fine._"


	14. Chapter 14

_Amanda._

I was cold, and I could feel the anxiety threatening to take over my thoughts, but I would say nothing. I could tell from the way they kept tossing little glances my way, that they were worried, and I didn't like it. "_He sexually assaulted you. You don't have to be fine._" I had a feeling Alex's words would haunt me for a while. "_Amanda_" Casey's voice sounded different from how I've heard her, "_Really, are you okay?_" Her eyes looked sad, and I could see something in them that was warm, and understanding. Perhaps I would talk, my teeth chattered and I felt like I was looking at myself from somewhere else, later. "_I don't want to talk._" My voice was vehement, albeit quiet, and as I turned to look out the window, no one said anything.

Alex's house was as beautiful as I remembered. This time though, we were quiet as we bypassed the kitchen, and headed straight to the room they had proclaimed - The Movie Room. There was popcorn, and various candies. A stack of chick flicks lay on the coffee table, and various chairs were crowded around a TV, with pillows and mismatched blankets. The walls were a dark blue color, and the ceilings had paintings of stars - it was strangely relaxing. I found myself breathing deeply, as I detached from the group, sat down on the grey arm chair and closed my eyes. I had a feeling it was going to be a long night.

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Alex.

I watched her take in the room, I am sure everyone else was feeling a little awkward. When Amanda sat down,and closed her eyes, I decided we definitely would be talking. There was too much sadness. My phone rang breaking the silence, it was Melinda. "_Hey Melinda, are you on your way_?" I tried to sound cheery, but I feared my heart wasn't in it. "_I'm so sorry Alex, but I can't make it. My little guys parents are at the hospital, and they've asked me to stay the night. You guys made me feel so wel..._" I cut her off. "_It's okay Melinda, don't worry about it. There are many more sleep overs to come._" "_Are you sure_?" "_Of course I am sure. I hope things turn out to the better outcome. Night Melinda_."

I motioned to the others to sit down, and they looked hesitant so I glared at them. Yes, there would be taking, and I supposed that I would have to be the first one despite the obvious elephants in the room. We were friends, good friends, and I had known Olivia and Alex since elementary school, and Amanda for several weeks; yet, we knew nothing about one another.

"_Would you like to know why Casey calls me the Ice Queen_" I started. Amanda opened her eyes, and I could feel Olivia's as well as Casey's on me as well. I fidgeted, something I almost never did and continued on. "_You would think that life was beautiful here. My Mother likes to make sure I wear the best, be the best. Piano lessons. Ballet lessons until I was twelve. Everything, yet nothing_" Oh goodness, I sounded scornful. "_My Dad_" my throat closed, I could do this. I was Alexandra Cabot, future defender of the innocent. "_My Dad used to make me stand for hours on end listening to him rant and rave about perfection, about history. If I didn't watch him, if I didn't sit perfectly still he would hit me. Would belittle me. I remember being six, and I couldn't go out for several days because my face was so bruised._" I find myself drifting for a moment.

_The room's air was thick, and my knees hurt. My Daddy was talking again, and Mom and I had learned that when Daddy was crazy it was best just to listen. I had to use the bathroom though, so I couldn't help but squirm a bit. The big hand was now on the five, and we had been there since it was on the three. I was hungry. I was tired. _Looking back, I realized that I was quite different for a six-year-old. _I bet Olivia and Casey got to play outside on Saturday. I wanted to play softball too but it was forbidden, but I couldn't help myself. "Daddy" I made sure my voice was level, and even like he likes it to be "I need to use the bathroom." He turned around so fast, I almost fell out of my chair. Fist raised, and I was on the floor. One, two, three. My knees curled into my chest, and my Mother just walked away... _

Back in the present I continued._ "That wasn't the first time it happened, and it wasn't the last, but it was the one I vividly remembered the most. After that..." _I wished they would say something_. "I learned to freeze myself. To become perfect, a perfect little Ice Queen, and I prided myself on it. After meeting you guys, I felt I could relax around the school, as long as I kept my grades up..." _I paused, not sure where to go next. I couldn't tell him, the sessions had gotten worse. Nearly two a week. My Dad would go absolutely crazy around his family, if you could call it that, and then transform himself into a glorified angel in the limelight. I feared it would get worse if he was elected.

For the first time Olivia spoke that night. "_Alex, we could have helped you, you know. Though I am really one to talk_." I looked at her. "_Olivia, we figured we would be there for you and you would tell us when the time is right_." What a thing to say. "_You couldn't help it Alex, I get it._" Amanda was talking, her eyes red. I hadn't heard her crying. "_You felt like you had to be stone, to be frozen. You felt like if anyone knew, what went on..._" We almost didn't hear the last part her voice was so quiet, "..._you'd be broken_."

I'm not entirely satisfied with this chapter, so I might rewrite in the future. What does anyone else think?


	15. Chapter 15

Amanda.

Hell. I couldn't believe I was about to share the last few years of my shabby little existence with these people who apparently didn't even know how things went between each other. "_Broken, I used to think it was such a generic term. Broken glass, broken chairs, but broken people? Nonsence._" They were all watching me now, but my eyes were focused on the wall ahead of me. My knees locked. My arms and back, sore. I was right - that paint texture was a bitch. "_Where I moved from, everyone was roughed up a bit. Parents used to smack their kids round', no one paid much attention because it happened to everyone. Kim and I..._"I looked at them, their mouths were slack, they looked as tired as I felt. "_Our Mamma didn't know when to stop... No one paid attention to handmarks, or bruises. No one cared about red eyes, or failing grades, or stomach noises so loud you could hear them across the room..._"

"_She had a revolving door of boyfriends, and while she didn't mind that they ogled us from the background, I did. It was the worst when they were drunk, and didn't know their heads from holes in the ground. I'd have to hide in my bedroom from days on end, and sometimes even that wouldn't stop them_." I shuddered. "_They'd cop a feel when her eye sight was out of reach, cold hand trailing up my shirt, beer soaked lips on my face. After a __while I quit trying to explain myself because I was just the little slut who made up stories according to my Mamma. The little bitch. It never matted what I did or didn't do, there was always a fist to congratulate my actions. A slap to the face. She burned me with cigarettes once, but she vomited when she smelled how bad the burns were." _I pulled off my gym shirt, revealing the tank top underneath. "_Thanks to Coach_" I couldn't keep the cynicism from my voice, "_these bruises will be here a little longer._" I found myself pushing down on them, my fingers digging into my skin. "_I feel... filthy. I was always afraid of this, and after dodging corners... why was it him_."

"_Amanda_" Alex says, pulling my hand from the painful crescents I am making into my arm, "_...it wasn't your fault. You have nothing to be ashamed of. It's your Mother and her boyfriend's that need to be blamed. It sounds like they need to be..._" I cut her off. "_No, you don't know. I... You couldn't do anything." _I notice how empty my voice sounds, and I don't like it. Here comes the pity.

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Olivia.

I flinch when Amanda is talking about her Mother. Her neck locked, her eyes straight ahead. I imagine her voice mocks my own. "_People could help you Amanda_" she looks at me, "..._you just have to find the right type of people._" It's now or never. I wipe my sweatshirt sleeve across my face. Let the sleeves fall, before pulling it off, and setting it at my feet. "_I don't know if the verbal retorts, or the physical violence hurts the most. I would have to say the little things they say, when they think you're not listening. When they think you've passed out after being hit in the head by a beer bottle, a vase, a literature anthology, are the worst. I've always dealt with the ghost of other people, but not my own, and I doubt my Mother has either. She never wanted me." "Olivia..." _There is so much hurt in Alex's voice, but I look at her and continue. Cutting her off._ "I was a product of rape, and she's been taking it out on me ever since." "At first it was a retort here or there, that I didn't understand until I was older. A few missed meals here and there, until that wasn't enough. She started drinking to console her pain, until violence was her only virtue." _Oh dammit, I couldn't breathe. _  
_

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Casey.

Olivia wasn't breathing. I paused for a moment, then I found myself grabbing her hand. "_Olivia, look at me_." I took a deep breath in, out, in out. Alex got up, and returned with several cold bottles of water. Passing one to Olivia, she smiled and sat beside her, grabbing Amanda's hand in the process. "_I don't want your pity_" is the first thing she said when she could breathe again, when she was no longer rasping, when her cheeks were no longer pale and her chest was no longer silent. "_Believe me_" I said in an attempt to be jovial, "_I think we all feel a little bit like that right now_."

"_I've noticed from all of you, that you are hiding something. Olivia, you like to mess with your shirtsleeves when your eyes are particularly red, and the circles dark. You barely eat. Alex, you're uncharacteristically quiet after a bad day I'm guessing, and generally your hair is pulled back from your face and your outfit is pristine. Amanda..._" I find myself pausing for a minute."_I don't know you well, but you get quiet. Reserved. I tend to notice much more, than most people give me credit for_."

"_My Dad_." I can't do this. I can't. "_My Dad forgets who I am. Since my Mom divorced him and he returned from his commission, he's been absent. Sometimes, he loses himself and I think this will be the day he kills me, this will be the day he... I know how you feel is the point of this." _I don't know what more to say.

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Alex.

There has been so much hurt and pain shared between us. "_We need chocolate_." They look at me like I've gone insane. "_Chocolate. Or maybe junk food that isn't sugary gummies. Come on_." I don't care if they follow me or not, why didn't they tell me? Why didn't they let me help them? I open the refrigerator and grad the milk. Some cookies from the pantry. Figures I would only have gummies. Everything is flashing before my eyes,and their words are bouncing about in my skull. I almost break a glass slamming it on the counter, but I continue on. I know they're watching me, and after the pile of chocolate I have deemed necessary is big enough, I grab a cookie and stare at them. "_I could have helped you, you know_." The glass did break this time, and white liquid is flowing through my fingers.

Amanda.

I can see it in her, she's not used to this much pain. Undoubtedly our stories would keep her up at night, they would keep us all up, but at least we now might be able to help her. The glass breaks, I can see the milk she had poured herself and us, streaming out in a thick white stream. "_Alex_" I move over, brushing the glass shards into the trashcan. Her hand's not cut, thank goodness. I'm not generally one for affection, but I find myself hugging her. Tears in my eyes, and in her eyes now. Olivia and Casey have joined us. And we're all crying, our hearts breaking for one another. For out pasts and futures. For what could have been, and what did happen.

We're all sitting down at this point. The spilled milk an offset of the times. Arms around one another, hearts on our sleeves. I'd imagine if anyone in Alex's family walked in, they'd think us mental. But she assured us, that the cleaners had the weekend off, and her parents were out of town. Something I'm sure we were eternally grateful for. We were all so different, but I felt bonded to these people. Though I knew we all had a long road in front of us, and I could already feel thoughts creeping into my head that belittled and paralyzed me, I hoped with this heartache, would come healing.

Fin.

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Thank you for reading this story. I appreciate the few people who have commented and reviewed. (: I might write a sequel, but it depends on time, and if anyone would actually read it.


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